I’ve heard that
“the hardest thing
you’ll ever have to do
is watch someone you love
love someone else.”

I thought I understood it.
I thought I had felt it.

But I didn’t understand
how hard it actually is
until I was staring at him
under a star illuminated sky
at 4 am
and I could see the pain laced
on his facial features
his hands on his head
as he talked about all the things
wrong with his relationship
and I didn’t understand
how it felt until
I heard the hurt in his voice
as he repeated “this is so unfair”
again and again and again.

Well, life is unfair
isn’t it?
The boy I love
loves another
who treats him
as he once treated me.

They say I’m such a good friend
for what I did
but Jesus Christ,
I didn’t want to just be his friend.

the real definition of pain